The Saga of Drake M

[Cam L]

The Saga of Drake M

A True Story, As Told by Cam L

 

Introduction

It was only 7 or so months ago that I met the character we know as Drake M. At first I thought him a peculiar fellow. I recall watching his stream with AmusedDragon and others as he valiantly attempted Challenge Mode Helwyr. He didn't seem like the brightest lad, but he was entertaining and amiable, and I quickly took a liking to him. At the time, I had only just returned to this cherished game of RuneScape; I was RotSing with Charlie and Veggie, using Tristan's Ascension crossbows, to earn some money. Drake aided my travels on the road to the Completionist Cape by setting up clan PvM events, including Vorago and Liberation of Mazcab raids. He encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone and take on critical roles in PvM teams, which helped me develop from a mediocre-to-horseshit player to the decent-at-best PvMer I am today. 

 

 

Drake M's Follies

As our relationship grew, I learned more about Drake M. It became clear to me that Drake wasn't as much of a PvM god as I initially perceived him to be; he had his flaws, as we all do. Still, though, he was and always will be my PvM mentor. As we move forward in time, we begin to observe the various flaws of Drake M, beginning with his fateful encounter with Nex. After a fierce battle, our hero defeated the Zarosian menace, and a pair of Pernix Gloves laid glimmering on the floor. As his eyes grew wide with excitement, Drake M was smitten by Nex's wrath, falling to the ground in a cold, dead heap. The gloves were lost to the void. Where the gloves disappeared, though, a powerful force emerged. While he may not have known it at the time, Drake M's life had changed for ever: he had become a living meme. 

 

As time wears on, we observe several more events that led to Drake M's fall from grace. Araxxor proved particularly cruel to our friend. After one fierce battle, Drake M looted the spider's corpse to find a spider egg - an egg destined to become Mallory. However, overcome with excitement once more, Drake M immediately returned to the Max Guild to tell his friends of the events. In doing so, he left the egg and his other loot behind. He pushed through this hardship, however, by pursuing his ultimate goal: the Final Boss title. Standing in his way was Har-Aken of the daunting Fight Kiln. In his efforts to defeat the tentacled beast 100 times, our hero encountered great adversity, perishing eight consecutive times before successfully completing an attempt. I cannot stress this enough. Eight times in a row. Seriously. Eight.

 

Drake M's follies culminated in a fierce standoff with Araxxor; a standoff that is a true legend of its own. Drake M's quest for the Spider Leg Bottom was truly an ages-long battle, in which our hero went drier than a well-done steak in the Kharidian Desert (where hardcore ironmen have been known to perish while mining fallen stars). After more than one-hundred and seventy kills, though, Drake M was rewarded. He had overcome his greatest struggle and obtained the bottom leg piece, completing his Spider Leg. He would sell this leg for 137 million gold pieces; 137 million gold pieces that would forever change the course of his life.

 

 

A Game of Chance

Drake M and his 137M were immediately lured to the infamous Duel Arena of World 54. Here, our hero would begin an epic journey filled with victory, joy, hardship, and most importantly: memes. On the night of February 22nd, 2017, the very night that the famed Spider Leg Bottom was obtained, Drake M went on a staking spree for the ages, transforming his 137M to a Seren Godbow. The bow brought joy to Drake M, and painted the Arena in a shining golden light - no ill could come of our hero here. As such, he continued to return to the Arena, and began to pursue wealth from Gielinor's fearsome Warden: Telos. Along the way, he obtained the valuable Reprisal Codex, and immediately took it to the Arena. On March 9th, 2017, Drake M staked the codex; however, upon meeting his opponent, something was amiss. His challenger summoned the vengeance of the Gods, and breaking from the traditional rules, donned a shield to block our hero's attacks. Our hero would not fall victim to such a scam, though. Not on this day. On this day, Drake M would defeat the scammer, doubling the value of his Reprisal Codex and using this wealth to obtain a Zaros Godsword. He would go on to become known in the famed Raid FC as "the fuck with the ZGS."

 

As is true in all walks of life, all good things must come to an end. Drake M would go on to be overcome with visions of great wealth, and stake his ZGS. Unsurprisingly, he would lose. He would spend the following weeks struggling to build up his wealth, camping Ascension Legiones only to stake and often lose the profits (when there were actually profits to be had). Drake M's plight persisted, ultimately leading to the events of April 8th, 2017. In the early morning hours, Drake M chose to spend some time at the Arena. After building his menial cash stack to a somewhat-less-menial 8M, Drake M asked for advice: should he continue to stake? Or should he walk away? I provided our hero with the best advice I could muster: "P 8M no pussies. Say it." He did. With these fateful words, our hero's fall began.

 

Drake M entered what would be his final stake (to this moment). His 8M versus his opponent's... nothing. His opponent didn't put anything up. Drake just staked the guy and lost. He was crushed and left with nothing. Our doomed hero's suffering could not end here, though, as the great RNGsus chose this night as Drake M's moment of judgement. Drake M, driven by his intense desire to gamble, chose to put up his legendary Seren Godbow. He quickly made his way to Seers' Village, where he would remove the augmentations from his bow. He sat down at the inventor's workbench, crafted his dissolver, and applied it to his weapon. 

 

Our hero was overcome by a feeling of despair. As he looked in his inventory, he found that he had not dissolved the bow's augmentations, but that he had dissolved the bow itself. It was gone forever; removed from our realm. Drake M was left with only 68 gold pieces. 

 

 

Epilogue

Drake, buddy, I'm sorry, but you fucking deserve this. Don't go back to the fucking Arena.

[Beric]

This was so worth the wait

[AmusedDragon]

4 minutes ago, Cam L said:

Drake, buddy, I'm sorry, but you fucking deserve this. Don't go back to the fucking Arena.

 

Pretty much this.

 

 

Get help.

[Bags of Milk]

I'm crying right now.

[Drake M]

[Bags of Milk]

17 minutes ago, Drake said:

Always rucky

[Tortured]

Rip SGB check into rehab pls Jrake

[Maggie]

I feel so bad for you but this is too fucking funny  

[Swamplord]

one of the funniest and saddest things i have ever read 

[Dnovelta]

That silence on TS...yikes

[Haze]

[Deathcon]

Drake needs to stick to regular ironman mode so he cant stake.

 

Beautiful, a masterpiece @Cam L

Edited April 8, 2017 by Deathcon

[Lena]

Wow.

[itlivesifite]

[Evan]

3 hours ago, Lena said:

Wow.

 

Amused and I tried to stop him, just an fyi

[Veggie]

Drake M sry but u cant come on t92 teams anymore, hope to see u back one day

[Tristan]

HOLY SHIT l0l0l0l0l0l0l0l

 

 

I'm sorry for your loss drake but maybe hitting rock bottom will help you to get the help you need with your gambling addiction

[Jub Jub Bird]

I was having a shit day, but it's so much better now after a few straight minutes of laughter.

[Drake M]

@Cam L  @Incite

[John Kleppe]

1-800-BETSOFF dude.