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Bad Jokes


Kate

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Posted

Alternatively titled, Dad jokes.

 

My best friend and I have long since lost our fathers, so on father's day we have a longstanding tradition of making sure to spam each other with bad/dad jokes which are one of my absolute favorite things. Let's start a bad/dad joke thread! 

 

 

Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starter pistol? Poor Onya... 

 

What do sprinters eat before a run? Nothing, they fast! 

 

 RIP boiling water, you will be mist. 

 

 What did one nut say to the nut it was chasing? I'm a cashew. 

 

If you refuse a nap you run the risk of being arrested for resisting a rest. 

 

Posted

@Vaelxon, I found where you belong

Posted

@Vaelxon

 

 

yall-got-anymore-of-them-jokes.jpg

Posted

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"Supplies!!"

 

What do you call a poor Santa Claus?

"St. Nickel-less"

Posted

We're the van driving in traffic...

"We're right on their heels, or should I say.. wheels" - Locksley, age 6

Posted

What did one hat say to the other?

"Stay here, I'm going on ahead!"

Posted

I love you guys ?

punkichick2
Posted

What kind of cheese isn’t yours? - nacho cheese 

Posted

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

 

A carrot.

Posted

Why should you never leave painkillers by your bird cage?

 

Because the parrots-eat-em-all

Kiss My Ass
Posted

Why can’t you trust atoms?

 

Because they make up everything

Posted (edited)

I was a little shocked to find out I'm not a good electrician. 

 

What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad. 

 

I bought a racing snail, but it seemed like its shell was weighing it down. I removed the shell but it seems a little more sluggish now. 

 

Why did the old woman fall into the water? She couldn't see that well. 

 

How many animals can jump higher than the Eiffel tower? All of them, the Eiffel tower can't jump.

 

 

Edited by Kate
Posted (edited)

What do you call it when batman skips church? Christian bail. 

 

Did I tell you about my latest invention? Thought controlled air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it. 

 

You already know that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9.. but do you know why he did it? Because you need 3² meals a day. 

 

There is one thing that sucks about telling all these dad jokes. I'm being a faux pa. 

Edited by Kate
Posted

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug.

Posted

What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas.

Posted
3 minutes ago, Ox 1899 said:

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug.

 

2 minutes ago, Ox 1899 said:

What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas.

This made me say god damn it so loud ??? 

Posted
2 minutes ago, Kate said:

 

This made me say god damn it so loud ??? 

?

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight?

No idea

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight and all his legs?

Still no idea

Posted
3 minutes ago, Ox 1899 said:

?

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight?

No idea

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight and all his legs?

Still no idea

This took me longer to get than I'd like to admit lmfao. 

Posted
1 minute ago, Kate said:

This took me longer to get than I'd like to admit lmfao. 

The hallmark of a bad joke right there xD

 

What do you call a cat that's eaten a lot of water fowl?

 

A duck-filled-fatty-puss

Posted

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house.

 

The difference is staggering.

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