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Bad Jokes


Kate

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Alternatively titled, Dad jokes.

 

My best friend and I have long since lost our fathers, so on father's day we have a longstanding tradition of making sure to spam each other with bad/dad jokes which are one of my absolute favorite things. Let's start a bad/dad joke thread! 

 

 

Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starter pistol? Poor Onya... 

 

What do sprinters eat before a run? Nothing, they fast! 

 

 RIP boiling water, you will be mist. 

 

 What did one nut say to the nut it was chasing? I'm a cashew. 

 

If you refuse a nap you run the risk of being arrested for resisting a rest. 

 

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What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"Supplies!!"

 

What do you call a poor Santa Claus?

"St. Nickel-less"

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We're the van driving in traffic...

"We're right on their heels, or should I say.. wheels" - Locksley, age 6

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What did one hat say to the other?

"Stay here, I'm going on ahead!"

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

 

A carrot.

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Why should you never leave painkillers by your bird cage?

 

Because the parrots-eat-em-all

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Posted (edited)

I was a little shocked to find out I'm not a good electrician. 

 

What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad. 

 

I bought a racing snail, but it seemed like its shell was weighing it down. I removed the shell but it seems a little more sluggish now. 

 

Why did the old woman fall into the water? She couldn't see that well. 

 

How many animals can jump higher than the Eiffel tower? All of them, the Eiffel tower can't jump.

 

 

Edited by Kate
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Posted (edited)

What do you call it when batman skips church? Christian bail. 

 

Did I tell you about my latest invention? Thought controlled air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it. 

 

You already know that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9.. but do you know why he did it? Because you need 3² meals a day. 

 

There is one thing that sucks about telling all these dad jokes. I'm being a faux pa. 

Edited by Kate
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What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug.

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What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas.

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3 minutes ago, Ox 1899 said:

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug.

 

2 minutes ago, Ox 1899 said:

What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas.

This made me say god damn it so loud 😂😂😂 

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2 minutes ago, Kate said:

 

This made me say god damn it so loud 😂😂😂 

😆

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight?

No idea

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight and all his legs?

Still no idea

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3 minutes ago, Ox 1899 said:

😆

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight?

No idea

 

What do you call Rudolph when he looses his sight and all his legs?

Still no idea

This took me longer to get than I'd like to admit lmfao. 

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1 minute ago, Kate said:

This took me longer to get than I'd like to admit lmfao. 

The hallmark of a bad joke right there xD

 

What do you call a cat that's eaten a lot of water fowl?

 

A duck-filled-fatty-puss

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It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house.

 

The difference is staggering.

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