Ox 1899 Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in Dog? Link to comment
Trogdor_0 Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 I build a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. No it's to look at. Link to comment
Kate Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 What's a marine animal's favorite saying? Carpe Diem. Seas the day. Link to comment
Ox 1899 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Kate said: What's a marine animal's favorite saying? Carpe Diem. Seas the day. I can't take my dog for walks by the pond because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog Link to comment
Kiss My Ass Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 @Kate Your True or False about spiders reminded me of this joke Why didn’t the spider go to school? Because it learned everything on the web Link to comment
Kate Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Weird Ass said: @Kate Your True or False about spiders reminded me of this joke Why didn’t the spider go to school? Because it learned everything on the web Beautiful Link to comment
Ox 1899 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 I didn't want to believe that my partner was stealing whilst on the job as a traffic cop, but when i got home, all the signs were there.... Link to comment
Sreyas Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 On 6/21/2021 at 7:06 PM, Ox 1899 said: Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in Dog? Yes, but did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia who stayed up every night wondering if there was a Dog? Link to comment
Sreyas Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 A dad was washing his car with his son. His son asked, " Why don't you use a sponge instead?". Link to comment
Ox 1899 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg. Link to comment
Sreyas Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) Why don't we ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're good at it. A priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, "I might be a Type-O" People who don't know the difference between entomology and etymology bug me in ways I cannot put into words. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. When does it become apparent? After the delivery. Edited June 22, 2021 by Sreyas Link to comment
Ox 1899 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? "Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket." Link to comment
Sreyas Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) I didn't like keeping a beard when I was a teenager, but now it's growing on me. I loaned my girlfriend a hundred bucks 3 years ago. She paid me back exactly 100 bucks last week. I lost interest in that relationship. Edited June 22, 2021 by Sreyas Link to comment
Ox 1899 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 1 minute ago, Sreyas said: I didn't like keeping a beard when I was a teenager, but now it's growing on me. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes. Link to comment
Majike Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge. What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt. They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants. What to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable. Link to comment
Kate Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 I love these all so much. Link to comment
Ox 1899 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 20 minutes ago, Kate said: I love these all so much. Did you hear about the scarecrow who won an award at his job? He was outstanding in his field. Link to comment
Majike Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up. A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know... Link to comment
Ox 1899 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 A man was arrested today after being hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain ornaments. Police have said that this is the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack. Link to comment
Sreyas Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 Ok this one isn't a dad joke but an uncle joke: Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse. Link to comment
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