Bad Jokes

[Ox 1899]

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in Dog?

[Trogdor_0]

I build a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale.

 

No it's to look at.

[Kate]

What's a marine animal's favorite saying? Carpe Diem. Seas the day. 

[Ox 1899]

1 hour ago, Kate said:

What's a marine animal's favorite saying? Carpe Diem. Seas the day. 

I can't take my dog for walks by the pond because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog

[Kiss My Ass]

@Kate Your True or False about spiders reminded me of this joke 

 

Why didn’t the spider go to school?

 

Because it learned everything on the web

[Kate]

1 hour ago, Weird Ass said:

@Kate Your True or False about spiders reminded me of this joke 

 

Why didn’t the spider go to school?

 

Because it learned everything on the web

Beautiful

[Ox 1899]

I didn't want to believe that my partner was stealing whilst on the job as a traffic cop, but when i got home, all the signs were there....

[Sreyas]

On 6/21/2021 at 7:06 PM, Ox 1899 said:

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in Dog?

Yes, but did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia who stayed up every night wondering if there was a Dog?

[Sreyas]

A dad was washing his car with his son. His son asked, " Why don't you use a sponge instead?".

[Ox 1899]

Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

[Sreyas]

Why don't we ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're good at it.

 

A priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, "I might be a Type-O"

 

People who don't know the difference between entomology and etymology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

 

 

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. 

When does it become apparent? After the delivery. 

 

Edited June 22, 2021 by Sreyas

[Ox 1899]

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

[Sreyas]

I didn't like keeping a beard when I was a teenager, but now it's growing on me.

 

I loaned my girlfriend a hundred bucks 3 years ago. She paid me back exactly 100 bucks last week. I lost interest in that relationship.

Edited June 22, 2021 by Sreyas

[Ox 1899]

1 minute ago, Sreyas said:

I didn't like keeping a beard when I was a teenager, but now it's growing on me.

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.
Good thymes.

[Majike]

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

 

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.

 

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

 

What to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.

[Kate]

I love these all so much.

[Ox 1899]

20 minutes ago, Kate said:

I love these all so much.

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won an award at his job?

He was outstanding in his field.

[Majike]

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.

 

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest

 

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know...

[Ox 1899]

A man was arrested today after being hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain ornaments.

Police have said that this is the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack. 

[Sreyas]

Ok this one isn't a dad joke but an uncle joke:

 

Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.