Gladiatorz Cookbook

[JimInSales]

Hi there folks!!! JimInSales here, and today I'm going to teach YOU how to make VERY tasty hot sauces. Now I'm not just gonna list a bunch of ingredients and steps for you to regurgitate back up in the kitchen like so many shitty memes. Instead, I'm going to give YOU...      *points aggressively at the camera*      the tools YOU need, to be the BOSS... of SAUCE...

   The FIRST thing you are going to do is try to get a general idea of what type of Fire Juice you want to make. Start by asking yourself this question:
-Do I have a baby mouth? If the answer is YES, then I'd recommend you start with a mild pepper, like a Pepperoncini or Sweet Banana Pepper (You know like those one's they have at Subway)
If you like some heat, but aren't a psychopath, I suggest going with a Habanero, or my personal favourite, Scotch Bonnets. If you are truly Born of Fire, or your ego is simply bigger than your brain, then I suggest you go with a Carolina Reaper, Trinidad Scorpion, or Bhut Jolokia (Also known as "Ghost Pepper"). If conventional peppers aren't enough and you just want to burn a hole straight through your body from tongue to taint, then just go ahead and get yourself a bottle of Capsacin Extract and don't even bother with the rest of the ingredients because you won't be tasting them anyway.

    Once you have figured out where you fall onto the Masochism spectrum, and have decided which Spice Grenade you want exploding in your mouth, it's time to think about how to incorporate it into a usable sauce. This is going to depend on your palette, which is a fancy word for "Which tastes make you go Yum and which tastes make you go Bleh". For example, some people (myself included) enjoy the taste of olives, while other people are stupid. A good hot sauce should be a complex balance of these specific elements:

-Heat  ~  The goal here isn't to be as hot as possible. You have to have a reason for the heat, and you have to back up the heat with flavour. It doesn't matter if you've got the Biggest Dragon Halberd in the raid if you haven't even completed Regicide yet.

-Tang ~  Not all hot sauces will heavily emphasize this component, but many do. I personally like a heavy dose of Tang, and there are many ways to achieve this. Vinegar is a common ingredient, as well as juice from citric fruits, and it's up to you to decide what will be best for your specific application. White Vinegar is a good neutral choice, but you can use basically any kind you like, although the more niche the flavour, the harder it will be to make it actually taste good when all is said and done. Many hot sauces will use Tomatoe for Tanginess and also as part of the flavour profile.

-Saltiness  ~  Again the goal here is balance. Salt is crucial when it comes to bringing out flavours in a hot sauce, or any dish for that matter. As a general rule, use as much salt as it takes for you to taste it's presence, but not so much that you would describe the dish as "Salty". This is going to vary heavily from person to person. Smokers tend to love salt, where as people who aren't cool-as-shit tend to prefer less salt. You can almost always add salt later, but it is near impossible to take it out once it's in there.

-Sweetness  ~  Similarly to Tang, not all hot sauces will have Sweetness as a huge component, but if you take a look at the ingredient lists of conventional hot sauces, you will be hard pressed to find one that doesn't include some form of sweetener. How sweet you want to make your sauce will depend on your personal preference and also the desired application. Sometimes you want Honey with a splash of Tabasco to dip your Corn Bread into, and other times you want a teaspoon of brown sugar in your 5 Alarm Chili. Now I'm going to assume that after reading "5 Alarm Chili", this is the first thing most of you thought of:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfHohluw6k0

Stop watching so much T.V. you fucking sheep

Now you're probably thinking, "But, Jim??? This doesn't really help me very much. It just kinda sounds like the pretentious ramblings of someone who watches too much Food Network", and to those people I say, "Who the hell asked YOU Karen!? Keep chopping those onions, and stop crying in my kitchen... You're embarrassing yourself"

NOW you're probably thinking, "This guy is few shakers short of a full spice rack", and while you may be right, it's just too god-damn late. I've locked the doors and swallowed the key. The only way out now is the Scenic route through Fuego Town. So come with meeeeeeeeeee, and you'll beeeeeeeeeeeeeee. In a woooooooooooorld, of oral salivation. 

OK, I'm gonna teach you how to make 2 different hot sauces that both start the same way:
Begin by taking Garlic, Onions, and your chosen Peppers at a ratio of  1-2-10  and stick it into a resealable container such as a plastic bucket, or glass jar.
Can't pick a Pepper??? Scotch Bonnets for you then
Now pickle that shit for a minimum of 6 weeks... Don't know how to Pickle shit??? Fucking Useless
-3 Cups White Vinegar
-1 Cup Water
-2 Cups Sugar
-1/2 Cup Salt
-3 Tablespoons of Pickling Spice (You can find this in the spice aisle at most grocery stores and you'll know you've found it because the it will be labelled as such)
Put all the above into a pot, bring it to a boil, strain it, let it cool for about 5 minutes then pour that shit into your container with the G.O.P. mixture from 8 lines above this sentence. If you are using a glass container then let the pickling liquid cool longer. If you're not sure why, read a fucking book you ignorant clown. Better yet, just click this link idiot https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thermal_shock
Make sure the G.O.P. is fully submerged in Pickling Liquid before sealing the container.
-Wait 6 weeks... What are you looking at me for? Go play some Runescape or something
-After about 5 weeks, 6 days, and 24 hours, take an immersion blender and spin that bitch until everything is finely minced, and all the pieces are small enough to pass through the squirtie part of a bottle of mustard. Don't have an Immersion blender??? Hope you like chunky hot sauce you fucking casual.
-Pass the whole mixture through a Chinois and separate the solids from the liquids, putting both off to the side for now. Don't have a Chinois??? Well it's not gonna buy itself.

You will now be able to use the Tangy, Sweet, Salty, and Spicy solids, which I will refer to as a Pepper Mash, as a base for any hot sauce you can dream of. The excess liquid, which I will refer to as The Devil's Piss will be used in your hot sauces depending on how thick or thin you want them to be. From here, you can make almost anything you want. I'll give you 2 basic sauces you can try yourself.

1. Scotch Bonnet and Orange Hot Sauce
-Start by reducing Pulp-Free Orange Juice down to 1/8th (meaning if you started with 8 litres, you reduce it until you have 1 litre, but If i have to tell you this then you're probably fucked already)
When the Orange Juice cools, it should be just a bit thinner than maple syrup.
Now unfortunately, there aren't exact measurements on how much Pepper Mash, and how much of The Devil's Piss you should use and how to finish up the final seasonings, so you will want to take the next steps slowly and carefully.
-Begin by adding spoonfuls of the Pepper Mash to your reduced orange juice, and taste as you go until you feel like you have the right balance for you. You can always adjust by adding a bit of salt, sugar, or Pepper Mash to suit your taste. If you want to make it Tangier, but don't want to make it spicier, then try adding small amounts of Lime Juice or Tamarind Paste to taste. If you Like-A-Da-Shpice, then add a bit of The Devil's Piss to make it Tangier. 
-Remember the goal here is Balance. You want the sweetness of the reduced OJ to blend nicely with the Pepper Mash, you want that Citrus Tang from the Lime Juice/Tamarind to shine through ever so slightly, and you want just enough salt to know that it's there. In the end you should have something that is similar to Frank's Red Hot, but with Citrus flavours, and not shit.

2. Smoked Tomatoe Hot Sauce
-Start by cutting 4 fist-sized BeefSteak tomatoes into quarters, making sure to remove the hard green core.
-Put the tomatoe pieces into a pot and begin cooking them on low heat, with 4-5 cloves of garlic. You may add a tablespoon of water to help it cook down, but you ideally want to reduce down to a paste that's a bit thicker than a Marinara Sauce.
-Now, using your Immersion Blender, slowly blend spoonfuls of the Pepper Mash into the Tomatoe & Garlic Mixture, tasting as you go until you feel like it's spicy enough. Add small spoonfuls of The Devil's Piss to thin it if it's too thick. It should be about the thickness and smoothness of Campbell's Tomatoe Soup.
-Lastly, add Liquid Smoke to taste. Keep in mind that Liquid Smoke is VERY potent and often very Salty. You will only require a few drops of the stuff depending on the brand of Liquid Smoke you are using.
-The end result here shouldn't be very Tangy so try to avoid adding extra vinegar if you can. You really want to be able to smell and taste the smokiness, and the Tomatoe-Garlic flavour shouldn't get lost beneath the heat/flavour of the Pepper Mash. I prefer this particular hot sauce to be much milder than the previous one, but again the final taste will be up to you. I mean what do I know? I'm just a humble Fisherman.


Tips:
-Don't be macho. Hot Peppers can really irritate your skin, especially your eyes. Use gloves if you have sensitive skin, and don't touch your face when handling Hot Peppers. Wash your hand thoroughly. If you lick your fingers after washing your hands and you still taste spice, then wash them again.
-Making Hot Sauce requires a lot of fine tuning with the seasonings to fit your specific taste, which means you may have to taste the sauce itself many times and adjust the seasonings accordingly. You want to cleanse your palette after every taste test so that your taste buds are reset to normal, otherwise you won't really be able to tell the subtle differences in flavour as you adjust the seasonings. The good news here is that you get to eat Ice Cream. Use a spoonful of your favourite Ice Cream and then rinse out your mouth with water or Club Soda. If you are lactose-intolerant, try a few drops of Coconut or Olive oil instead of the Ice Cream.
-When you are tasting your sauce and adjusting seasonings, it's important to note that Hot Sauce isn't meant to be eaten alone. Something that may seem TOO HOT, TOO TANGY, TOO SWEET or TOO SALTY, may very well be perfect if you are just going to put a drop of it into your soup. Try putting a drop of it on a piece of meat or even a cracker to give you a more realistic version of what it will taste like and how it will complement different foods.

 

[Deathcon]

I know i could look online for such things but I'm wondering if anyone has smoked/roasted a suckling pig and has reccomendations for rub or injection.

Maybe @James since a pig has kicked you in the dick before

[Dorion Locke]

Brussels Sprouts a la Necrid's Grandma.  

 

Brussels Sprouts - However much you want to make 

Bacon - as much as you want! 

Chicken Broth - about 1 box

 

Cook and chop up bacon

Half the Brussles Sprouts down the middle, sear in pan

Throw in bacon onto seared brussels sprouts 

Fill with chicken Broth and simmer covered until sprouts are soft

Drain most excess broth

Enjoy!

Edited September 7, 2020 by necrid_mortus
forgot to tell people to drain broth

[thegreatwha]

Never too late to post another recipe you love!  

[ZDark Dragon]

Hey Gladz,

 

I was on discord having a great chat and turns out garlic bread from the US is nothing like the brazilian style and the guys wanted to know the recipe.

 

So why not create a place to share everyone's recipes?

 

As a Chef, I think that's a great idea. Meals are so important and ritualistic in human society, it's incredible to be able to share experiences from different families, cultures, flavors, everything!

 

Feel free to share recipes from your Country or recipes that you think are nice and we can have our own Gladiatorz Cookbook!

Edited August 25, 2023 by ZDark Dragon

[ZDark Dragon]

So recipe #1 is Brazilian Style Garlic Bread

 

1 cup mayo
1/4 cup minced garlic
1/4 cup shredded parmesan
chopped parsley to taste (optional)

Mix all the ingredients together until it looks like a spread
Slice a loaf of french roll or baguete like the picture bellow, then fill the bread with the spread and bake in the oven at high heat oven 200 degrees Celsius (400 Fahrenheit) until golden brown and creamy


cut the bread like that with thicker slices 1cm thick /1/2 inch

Edited August 25, 2023 by ZDark Dragon

[thegreatwha]

@ZDark Dragon - I thought this title looked familiar.  

 

It looks like a fun recipe that you posted!

[ZDark Dragon]

 

Should I delete this one and post in the other one? 

[thegreatwha]

1 hour ago, ZDark Dragon said:

 

Should I delete this one and post in the other one? 

haha no worries! We usually try to consolidate with older and reaccuring topics and themes like this, if we can. If you would like, @Rider of Rohan and clan admins (Leader and Admins) can make arrangements to move your topic/post and combine it with another (that way you don't have to re-type it all out again - even if it would be just a copy-paste. Since I've tagged them, the Rider+ will respond and let you know your options. 

I hope that helps!

[UnrealDream]

1 hour ago, ZDark Dragon said:

 

Should I delete this one and post in the other one? 

 

3 minutes ago, thegreatwha said:

haha no worries! We usually try to consolidate with older and reaccuring topics and themes like this, if we can. If you would like, @Rider of Rohan and clan admins (Leader and Admins) can make arrangements to move your topic/post and combine it with another (that way you don't have to re-type it all out again - even if it would be just a copy-paste. Since I've tagged them, the Rider+ will respond and let you know your options. 

I hope that helps!

No need to delete zDark Dragon, 

 

As Martin said we have the ability to move it to the right spot

[L eo]

13 hours ago, ZDark Dragon said:

So recipe #1 is Brazilian Style Garlic Bread

 

1 cup mayo
1/4 minced garlic
1/4 cup shredded parmesan
chopped parsley to taste (optional)

Mix all the ingredients together until it looks like a spread
Slice a loaf of french roll or baguete like the picture bellow, then fill the bread with the spread and bake in the oven at high heat oven 200 degrees Celsius (400 Fahrenheit) until golden brown and creamy


cut the bread like that with thicker slices 1cm thick /1/2 inch

Ohhhhhhhh I like garlic bread so much, I'll try this one 

[Beric]

13 hours ago, ZDark Dragon said:

1/4 minced garlic

*bumbles off to make garlic bread with 1/4th of a clove*

[ZDark Dragon]

44 minutes ago, Beric said:

*bumbles off to make garlic bread with 1/4th of a clove*

Hahahahahah, 1/4 cup, fixed it!

[Elvinloar]

I notice the mayo and I'm a big fan of mayo!!! Spread mayo on your hotdog buns and grill them along with your wieners for a wonderful hotdog. 

 

I will post some recipes later. 

[Elvinloar]

2 hours ago, UnrealDream said:

As Martin said we have the ability to move it to the right spot

Do I need to follow this one or the older version??

 

@ZDark Dragon adding you so we both know what to do here    

Edited August 25, 2023 by Elvinloar
added zdark so we both know what to do here.

[UnrealDream]

2 hours ago, Beric said:

*bumbles off to make garlic bread with 1/4th of a clove*

remind me not to go to Jades for garlic bread.

 

4 minutes ago, Elvinloar said:

Do I need to follow this one or the older version??

 

@ZDark Dragon adding you so we both know what to do here    

Edited 1 minute ago by Elvinloar
added zdark so we both know what to do here.

Since i merged it there is only the older version

[Elvinloar]

5 minutes ago, UnrealDream said:

Since i merged it there is only the older version

Really strange that I am now following this thread 

[Beric]

22 minutes ago, Elvinloar said:

Really strange that I am now following this thread 

I'm assuming you followed Felipe's thread? That should transfer over when two threads are merged. If you didn't, and it just randomly created a follow, then that's a little unexpected and we'll just blame it on forum ghosts  

[thegreatwha]

@Elder Toad, this recipe was too awesome not to add to this thread.

[Elder Toad]

@thegreatwhaOMG theres a clan cookbook! Amazing!